The Guilt Free Life

A few days after Hurricane Katrina, I went through the mess that was my home. The lawn mower was in the family room, and my coffee table books lay swollen in my flower garden. Everything had been washed in a murky brown, silty sludge, and lay everywhere growing multicolored mold.

There was of course, the things that really didn’t matter: the old overstuffed chair I got for $40 that I never liked anyway, and my thongs (wrapped around a festering package of bacon on the back porch). And then there were the THINGS. Things that I had taken 40 years to collect: the Fatima’s hand that I picked up in a market in Morocco. The pictures of me standing next to a cement garden gnome in a perfectly manicured park in Austria. The wooden gifts from a Balinese family that invited me in when I had nowhere to stay.

We hear the cliche that at “least we have our lives; all the other things don’t matter.” And yes, I am thankful that my family is safe. But honestly, that was never really an issue, because anyone who was able bodied and sensible wouldn’t stay and risk their lives in a Category 4 hurricane. I would have never jeopardized my life by remaining in that dangerous situation—so my life here is not the issue.

The issue is that some things DO matter. Because chances are I can never replace those mementos from my traveling past. Over the years I would look at one piece or another and smile, remembering that I took part in an exchange with completely foreign people, and these objects were proof. They gave me solace that our life here in America may not be the best one, in many cases, and that one need not be rich, powerful and popular to be truly happy.

Now I must admit that some of the objects, although damaged, made it through the tornado, wind and 6-feet of water that flooded my home. Yet by the time I returned with an automobile large enough to carry things, most of those pieces had been looted. It is this kind of loss that hurt me the most, for in a sense, I did lose part of my life.

So if you find yourself attached to something, understand that someday it may be taken away from you. Don’t lose your happiness, but it’s all right to grieve your loss.

Baladi

This blog is dedicated to those who suffer in their everyday lives from loss:

• Death
• Illness
• Lack of Mobility
• Unemployment
• Divorce
• Depression
• Loneliness

Loss can be defined in many ways, and the threshold of pain is different for each of us. As for me, I have dealt with large amounts of loss in recent years. My suffering has been replaced with inner widsom and extreme happiness, but it did not happen overnight.

What it took was some soul searching, faith in a Universal Intelligence, and the acceptance of one truth for me: That “everything is as it should be.”

Please feel free to read the About Me page to understand my losses so that I can help you with yours. However, if you feel like you would like to hurt yourself or others, please see a grievance counselor right away. I am not a substitute for professional help.

People living deeply have no fear of death.
–Anais Nin